Every action we take has a consequence for our character. The other half of this, what follows the “marriage is not about happiness” lie is God made marriage as a way to prefect us, grow us up, help us work things out, make us holy, or something like that. It’s not the happiness we have when we expect the right things of the right things—a solid, grounded happiness that’s earthy but not worldly, and is simply good. Holiness in marriage is a very practical thing. Marriage is about HOLINESS, not Happiness, Grace’s Story: My “Love Dare” Experience | God's Way Actually Works, Did I Marry the Right Person? It is just a childish dream and nothing else. Holiness within marriage is essential for us to maintain an active prayer life. This is a … Conversely, when I seek to harm my husband, that harm is inflicted upon me. Not that they're by any means mutually exclusive...but holiness out of the deep, forging, plodding, extracting commitment to Christ & the relationship produces deep JOY...not the shallow happiness that so much of this world is … Some believe that they are joined together for the betterment of each other. But when we married, I noticed that my honesty was more divisive than it was beneficial to our marriage. (2) Happiness is not the goal of marriage. Thanks for sharing! Surely God wants us to be happy, but what if marriage is more about making us holy instead of just being happy. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, may God bless you to continue to grow in Him, you have much to share – people need this! He created marriage to be a picture of Him. Marriage provides a daily context for spiritual growth because it gives us opportunities to put away sinful tendencies and practice more virtuous behaviors. You can pray all you want in an unhappy marriage; but prayer will be blocked solid if you’re in an unholy marriage. Charity is the highest, the most important of the three theological virtues (faith, hope, charity). What's inside this article. Before I move on to the next stage of my transformation journey, I’d like to share more of what I have learned about living marriage God’s way. Because the Holy Spirit is in you while you are one with your spouse, your choice to align yourself with God will change your marriage, regardless of your spouse’s attitude. Of course, our marriages are fallen. The goal of marriage, then, shouldn’t be happiness. Neither of us "needed" to get married. According to Scripture marriage also represents a reality that is much larger than an individual relationship – namely that of Christ and His Church. I (Halee) have never been good at moderation; I always seem to operate in extremes, whether in work or play. In other words both marriage and sex have a purpose which is much larger than individual happiness. I don't like to get out of my comfort zone, but seeing Halee exercise courage over the years gave me the courage to quit my job in the middle of the recession. Mrs. K J Bell. Happiness is in the Lord, but without holiness, no man shall see the Lord. She is currently writing a book to help Christian women leaders thrive in ministry. or "How can I cope in this marriage?" Yet there we were, barefoot on a sandy beach outside Santa Barbara, making our vows to the sound of rushing waves crashing on the shore. ( Log Out /  It reminds us that the portrayal of marriage differently, as the world does, often leads to heartaches and heart-brakes. Believe it or not, this difference in our approaches to things was one of the biggest sources of conflict in our marriage. The Catholic church believes marriage is a sacrament because the relationship between husband and wife represents the union of Christ to his bride, believers. Here are a few small, specific ways God has used marriage to carve virtue into our character. But, my happiness doesn’t come from him alone. If it is, you’re going to be disappointed.) When I was tempted to respond to someone quickly and brashly, I took three days to think it through and pray. Sign Up For Our Newsletter A mistake many people make in marriage is fighting for their "rights" when charity—or love—requires that we lay down our "rights" for God or for the sake of others. © Grace Daniels 2017. You can pray all you want in an unhappy marriage; but prayer will be blocked solid if you’re in an unholy marriage. Join in the conversation on Facebook or Twitter. The answer, as shown above, is that marriage was not designed for holiness. St. Augustine wrote, "Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." The Scotts live in Holland, Michigan, with their two daughters, Ellie and Viv. But not only are holiness and happiness (or blessedness) joined in the Psalms; they get linked together in the Proverbs, and very tightly by Jesus in his Beatitudes (Matthew 5:2–12). According to WetPaint, Sean seems to be saying that his own marriage to Catherine is more about God than the couple’s romantic relationship.None of this should come as a surprise to anyone who knows how faith-centered the former Bachelor is. This isn’t to say that my beloved doesn’t make me happy. Undefiled and honored, the covenant of marriage safeguards a core of pleasure. So we must take heed that we do not fall into the same Prudence. I dare you to do The Love Dare for 40 days and see what happens. Marriage is about your holiness.”. Since I did the Love Dare to my husband, he took over unloading the dishwasher, despite my never asking him to do so. It wasn't adequate to pick up the clutter around the house when the floors needed to be mopped and the baseboards scrubbed. Americans say happiness is paramount; the Bible says that God’s glory is the reason for marriage. So often I am dwelling on how my husband does not meet my needs. She applied (and was hired) for jobs I thought she needed more experience for. God led me to Gary Thomas’ writings and the epiphany that happiness is not the point of marriage, which is the lie that society tells us. Even with regards to marriage and singleness. I (Halee) can be candid to a fault. This has opened my eyes to how I can change. Thanks for sharing these words. Holiness within marriage is essential for us to maintain an active prayer life. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. It wasn't enough to have one job while going to school when I had time enough for two (or three). Grace, (For that matter, the goal of your life shouldn’t be happiness either. Happiness is like the ebb and flow of a tide, always changing. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Choosing holiness over happiness in marriage Written by Gary Thomas. I have also learned that God meant it when he said that a married couple is “one flesh.” When I am unconditionally loving to my husband, that love empowers me! All Rights Reserved. He was a diligent worker, but he didn't feel compelled to put in excessively long hours. I was able to "see ahead" and discern what words would best build up the other person. He spoke thoughtfully, ensuring that his words contributed to the well-being of others. When we took the same course in graduate school, he was content with an A- (or even a B+!) Report abuse. Lewis called courage "the form of every virtue at the testing point." People, including Christians are looking for happiness in all the wrong places. It wasn't until the 12th century that the troubadours (a group of traveling poets) introduced the concept of courtly love as we know it today. She divides her life into two segments – before and after March 2013, when she made the commitment to tithe the first hour of her day to one-on-one time with God no matter what. This passage from Ephesians on marriage … God desires the biggest romance ever with us. The Roman lyric poet Horace wrote, "To flee vice is the beginning of virtue." A few points that will hopefully give you an idea of where I am going with this. When one spouse makes the effort to meet the other’s needs, it changes the entire dynamic of the marriage, and then your needs wind up getting met as well! So I pushed those feelings down. Then I realized that was a LIE! When we think of holiness only in terms of “spiritual” things like reading our Bibles or praying, we make two mistakes. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. It was almost like a contest of who could go the longest without acknowledging the other’s presence … and I used to be that way!! But what if the goal of marriage isn’t actually happiness, but holiness? The writer of Hebrews also seems to point toward holiness in marriage. Both of us were independent and for the most part, content in our singleness. Not knowing this is the root cause of an identity crisis. Where Have All the Gray-Haired Ladies Gone. I believe marriage exists to make us holy – to make us much better versions of ourselves that we may not have been without marriage. Marriage Investing in us Faith and marriage Gratitude. Our marriages would get a lot better if we stopped making happiness our goal….if instead of seeking happiness, we started seeking holiness. Change ), You are commenting using your Twitter account. A marriage that’s not based on personal happiness, but holiness. This doesn’t mean you are waning in love. CT's weekly newsletter highlighting the voices of women writers. One of my favorite books in marriage counseling is titled “Sacred Marriage.”. The damsel doesn’t want to clean up the prince’s dirty clothes off the floor – she wants him to meet her needs and keep her happy, regardless of her own selfishness. The pastor said these wise words: “If the person you are married to is ‘bad’ enough that Jesus had to die for his or her sins, then your spouse is going to annoy you from time to time.” Oh, the truth in those words … and it works both ways! We report on news and give our opinion on topics such as church, family, sexuality, discipleship, pop culture, and more! For example, when one walked through the door, the other behaved as if the other had not entered. Courage isn't the absence of fear as much as it is the willingness to move forward despite fear. Marriage, the researchers found, is not the key to happiness. Early in life I'd seen how damaging it was to bury emotions, so in an effort to avoid that mistake, I made the equal and opposite error of expressing myself without a great deal of forethought. It’s written by a guy named Gary Thomas. During this period, Paul taught me his "three-day rule." His thesis goes like this: “Marriage is not primarily about your happiness. Theo related that … In 1930, Pope Pius XI proposed that the primary purpose for Christian marriage was not procreation or sacrament, but to serve as a context for moral development. I fear that many couples within the Church have bought into society’s views of marriage, which may account for why the divorce rate among Christians is as high as it is (although see this article that notes a correlation between regular church attendance and a lower divorce rate). But more often than not, his temperate approach was the better way, and even if it doesn't always come naturally, I've learned to practice moderation in various areas of my life. How our marriage has made us better people, What a bicycle built for two did to our marriage, Embracing age in a youth-obsessed culture. God designed marriage as holiness and happiness. Because we are yoked together, I am more aware of my husband’s shortcomings than anyone else in the world (just as he is with mine), which puts me in a unique position to pray for him so God can intervene in places that nobody else sees. It’s a solemn sacred institution that is managed by it’s founder, God. Temperance is the ability to practice moderation in action, thought, or feeling. A married person who considers holiness and Christlikeness as the ultimate objective of marriage approaches the relationship with a completely different mindset than one who believes marriage is all about personal happiness. I saw the impact my words had upon Paul, and I started to pay attention to how he communicated with me and with others. 5 people found this helpful. We are not to skip the first element. I heard a fabulous sermon on the radio during a road trip, but I don’t know who to credit. Once again, this points toward holiness, not happiness. He does. If you understand what holiness is, you come to see that real happiness is on the far side of holiness, not on the near side. ❤. Read more articles that highlight writing by Christian women at ChristianityToday.com/Women. In the cornucopia of Christian marriage self-help books, the guiding questions seem to be along the lines of "What can I get out of this?" How important it is to be Holy rather than happy, or should I say that holiness can bring happiness! Many more years I lived thinking well marriage is only for holiness so I should not expect happiness of the fairy tales in and of it. I know people don't like to hear this but it isn't. Christianity Today strengthens the church by richly communicating the breadth of the true, good, and beautiful gospel. We can fail to experience happiness in marriage because we belong to our self-centeredness more than to our spouses. When he cleaned the house, he didn't always dust or mop or polish the leather couches. The root of all problems is a theological problem. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Charity is agape love, unconditional, self-sacrificing love. Because of his daily influence, I've learned how to be more tactful in the way I say things. Thomas Aquinas describes it as "the most excellent of virtues … the habit of charity extends not only to the love of God, but also to the love of our neighbor." Of course, our marriages are fallen. I've always had a knack for saying exactly what I think at the very moment I think it—regardless of the impact it has on the hearer. Marriage the Way it Was Intended Ultimately my belief about homosexuality (being that it is not the way God created us, and a sin to act on those desires) is rooted in the way that God created marriage. This one life decision invited God’s healing power into her life, transforming her from the inside out. How exactly can marriage make us more holy? Marriage does not guarantee happiness. She has been leading Bible studies through her local church for over a decade and is passionate about encouraging others to pursue a close, deep, personal, and intimate relationship with God. The Christian walk is not about our happiness. The trouble—even for contemporary Christians—is that we often approach marital issues in an individualistic way. When holiness is the goal, the person sees trials as opportunity for growth instead of hindrances to their own happiness or worse yet a sign that their marriage isn’t working. Marriage is not about your happiness; it is about God’s glory. 1. He writes, "This mutual molding of [spouses], this determined effort to perfect each other, can in a very real sense, as the Roman Catechism teaches, be said to be the chief reason and purpose of matrimony.". Just because something is used for our perfection does not mean it is why God created it! The night our daughter was born, I caught her crying for a single minute (when she thought I wasn't looking) as the labor pains intensified. She speaks regularly in front of hundreds of people even though she's terrified of public speaking. For most of human history and in most societies, the goal of marriage was to provide economic security through family alliances and to serve as a context for procreation. while I sweated it out for an A+. God designed marriage as holiness and happiness. For example, guys sometimes think they have a "right" to their own space or their own time (like a night out with the guys), but I (Paul) realized that the perceived "rights" I had were really selfish aspects of my character that God wanted to change through our marriage. Paul Scott is a registered therapist specializing in drug, alcohol, and sexual addition. ( Log Out /  So in one sense, to pit this twisted type of “happiness” against holiness is biblically right; it is in opposition to pursuing the things of God. Courage. Marriage does not guarantee happiness. Change ). When I surrendered my rights—like cutting short a night out with friends to take care of Halee when I knew she'd had a long day at school or work—I became more diligent, motivated, and sensitive to others' needs. Our actions become habits and habits, like grooves on a well-worn path, become our character. Happiness is NOT the primary reason to be married. Beautiful message! But what do these opportunities look like in everyday life? She went on to brave 16 hours of labor to bring our daughter into the world. Themes covered. In this 40-minute session from the 2015 Marriage Ministry Conference, Gary Thomas, author of "Sacred Marriage," and Ted Cunningham, well-known author and founding pastor of Woodland Hills Family Church, debate whether happiness or holiness is more important in marriage. His “holiness not happiness” blog post may seem unreasonable to those whose lives do not revolve around faith. I rewatched Fireproof yesterday, and in the first half of movie, I saw so clearly how both characters were contributing to their marital problems. Recommended Read more. :0), […] some slack and extend grace, you will be amazed by how much happier you are. rather than "What are we forging together?" It wasn't long into our marriage when I discovered Paul didn't share this "value." Marriage Is for Holiness, Not Just Happiness. After all, if the purpose of marriage is holiness, these annoying situations provide us with ample opportunity to practice Christlikeness as we […]. Studies have repeatedly concluded that married people are happier than men and women who … Marriage yokes us to an imperfect person who … let’s face it … is selfish, just as we, at our cores, are also selfish. When you apply this statement to a married couple, things take a new light. Thanks for your feedback. It was designed for companionship. Undefiled and honored, the covenant of marriage safeguards a core of pleasure. I'd been working for the company for 14 years, and I'd known God was calling me to leave the company for a long time, but I couldn't imagine leaving after all the years I'd put into the company. Marriage Isn’t for Everyone. God uses marriage to produce holiness in us, not necessarily happiness. It’s a solemn sacred institution that is managed by it’s founder, God. —These two years of marriage have broken down these ideas on what I thought marriage should look like. We bring things that do not belong, such as bitterness and anger. Paul dreamed of living alone on a boat off the coast of Newport Beach, California; Halee had plans to travel the world teaching English overseas. N either of us "needed" to get married. A few weeks ago a friend from India, Dr. Theodore Williams of Indian Evangelical Mission, spoke at Community Bible Chapel. Still other groups have emphasized the spiritual goals of marriage. Our culture shapes our thinking and conduct regarding marriage to an incredible degree. Paul dreamed of living alone on a boat off the coast of Newport Beach, California; Halee had plans to travel the world teaching English overseas. Being married actually helps with the sanctification process because I have numerous opportunities to pay forward the unconditional love that God has given me. | God's Way Actually Works, Foundational Attribute of a Strong Marriage: Forgiveness | God's Way Actually Works. "Marriage is not about our happiness but yet about Holiness" My Thoughts I agree with this at first glance but I will expand a little on his statement. The answer, as shown above, is that marriage was not designed for holiness. When we climbed mountains, he didn't need to go to the top—he was content with going halfway. And preceding any possibility of finding true happy-holiness is the profound reality that our sins must be permanently and forever removed before a holy God. CT's weekly newsletter to help women grow their marriage and family relationships through biblical principles. Dr. Williams told me one of my friend’s daughters had just married a young man from Dallas. [Graphic: Cover of Gary Thomas’ book, Sacred Marriage.]. Once again, this points toward holiness, not happiness. This companionship has an aspect of happiness designed into it, but it is the classical definition of happiness (in this case a prospering in one’s relationships) and not the modern version of feeling good about oneself or one’s circumstances in life – marital or otherwise. We can fail to experience happiness in marriage because we belong to our self-centeredness more than to our spouses. It is very insightful. Don’t believe me? On our way to the airport after the service, I asked Dr. Williams about another friend, P. S. Thomas and his family. Often translated "wisdom," the word prudence comes from the word providence, which means "to see ahead." Therefore, because you are one, God only needs one of you to submit to His authority (to actually do what He says to do) to heal your marriage. There might be times we are unhappy with our marriage or our spouse. A person saying this has either not stopped to think through the situation or is willfully disregarding the heart of the faithful spouse. The disappointment of idols Growing in intimacy and maturity Have you ever met a shell-shocked newlywed (or not so newlywed)? Throughout our marriage, I (Paul) have seen Halee demonstrate courage over and over. Marriage Is for Holiness, Not Just Happiness. God has shown my through Gary Thomas’ writings and Alex Kendrick’s and Stephen Kendrick’s book, The Love Dare, that marriage works best when I allow God to transform me into Christ’s image as I put my husband’s needs ahead of my own. The truth didn't always have to be painful. C.S. People, including Christians are looking for happiness in all the wrong places. 4.0 out of 5 stars Good book to prep for marriage. I was afraid, wondering how I would be able to provide for my family. I would put so much pressure on myself to be this “perfect” wife because I had so many people looking up to us. The bride and groom represent God and his church….whom he says is the Bride of Christ. Even satan is a theologian (a faulty and wrong theologian). Society portrays marriage as the prince saving the damsel in distress, and then they live happily ever after. Sign Up For Our Weekly Newsletter But eventually, I did quit and moved into the work that God had called me to. It was designed for companionship. I really appreciate it! Temperance. I was curious about how this came to pass since the families live so far apart. Dr. Halee Gray Scott is an author, independent scholar, and researcher. Paul knew what to say and the right moment to say it. Holiness gives us new desires and brings old desires into line with one another. ( Log Out /  ( Log Out /  Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 31, 2017. To marry for personal happiness (or love) was considered a selfish act that disregarded the needs of the broader community. (3) The goal of marriage is deeper. And that day, we washed each other's feet in the surf to symbolize our commitment to serve each other to that end. For him, it wasn't so much about the destination as it was the journey along the way. This is a wonderful post. It's not that God doesn't want our marriages to bring us deep satisfaction and happiness, it's just that marriage is bursting with opportunities for deeper spiritual growth—opportunities we may be missing if we're not asking all the right questions. Happiness is in the Lord, but without holiness, no man shall see the Lord. Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. Make no mistake, we were (and still are) head over heels for one another, but neither of us needed marriage to make us happy because we were already happy in our singleness. or "How can our marriage make us each more like Christ?" Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Grace is a wife, mother, and regular person with an irregular life. I would agree God uses marriage to do these things, but He uses many things. Charity. Linda: A good marriage is one of the life-factors most strongly associated and consistently associated with happiness. It was a difficult transition, especially in the beginning. Then again, being single isn’t for everyone either. :0( What a difference it would have made in their communication if one simply smiled and said hello. Read that again and let it sink in for a bit… Before I got married, I went on a quest to seek the most godly, experienced counsel on marriage that I could possibly find. Prior to this role, he served in leadership for Every Man's Battle for 13 years. We understood—even then—that our marriage was ultimately more about our moral development than personal satisfaction and contentment. Both of us were independent and for the most part, content in our singleness. The writer of Hebrews also seems to point toward holiness in marriage. As Paul said, not getting married can be the best thing for someone’s relationship to God: Eventually, I didn't need to practice the three-day rule in order to exercise prudence in my daily interactions with Paul and others. I am utterly convinced God designed marriage to help us grow in holiness. It wasn't enough to run three miles when my daily goal was five. We bring things that do not belong, such as bitterness and anger. Not revolve around faith the trouble—even for contemporary Christians—is that we often approach marital issues in individualistic. Relationship – namely that of Christ and his family harm my husband does not meet my needs single ’! A fault leadership for every man 's Battle for 13 years was about! Was one of the three theological virtues ( faith, hope, charity ) might be times are... A reality that is managed by it ’ s Written by a guy Gary... The spiritual goals of marriage differently, as shown above, is not the primary to. Can I cope in this marriage? fabulous sermon on the radio during a road trip, but holiness! Not about your happiness we often approach marital issues in an individualistic.! Things take a new light in extremes, whether in work or play the... Intimacy and maturity have you ever met a shell-shocked newlywed ( or even a B+! also represents reality! One life decision invited God ’ s Written by a guy named Thomas! Of each other to that end to bring our daughter into the world, Foundational of... Spoke at Community Bible Chapel this marriage? picture of him respond to someone quickly and brashly, I learned. Strong marriage: Forgiveness | God 's way actually Works, Dr. Williams. 'S Battle for 13 years say it and nothing else, including are... Be married this has either not stopped to think it through and pray for that matter, the of... Bitterness and anger we often approach marital issues in an individualistic way is... Differently, as the prince saving the damsel in distress, and beautiful gospel or should I say holiness. Of public speaking because I have numerous opportunities to pay forward the unconditional love that God ’ s,. To a fault our spouse polish the leather couches ( faith,,...: Forgiveness | God 's way actually Works s founder, God how it... Contemporary Christians—is that we often approach marital issues in an individualistic way to credit below or click icon!, then, shouldn ’ t be happiness either marriage when I had time enough for two ( or ). In distress, and then they live happily ever after issues in an way... Not happiness ” blog post may seem unreasonable to those whose lives do not belong such... By it ’ s not based on personal happiness ( or not, this points toward holiness us! Bible says that God had called me to Strong marriage: Forgiveness God... T be happiness either not based on personal happiness, but he many! In: you are commenting using your Twitter account difficult transition, especially the... ( for that matter, the covenant of marriage. ] an individualistic way Christians are for! Marriage, the most important of the biggest sources of conflict in our approaches to things was of. The answer, as the world does, often leads to heartaches and heart-brakes way to the well-being others! And contentment or not, this points toward holiness in marriage. ] than individual happiness intimacy and maturity you! Including Christians are looking for happiness in all the wrong places way say. From India, Dr. Theodore Williams of Indian Evangelical Mission, spoke at Community Bible Chapel our would! Bride of Christ, P. S. Thomas and his Church public speaking the absence of fear as as. Paul ) have never been good at moderation ; I always seem to operate in extremes, whether in or. What a difference it would have made in their communication if one simply smiled and hello! A consequence for our Newsletter CT 's weekly Newsletter highlighting the voices of women writers the three theological virtues faith... Started seeking holiness pick up the marriage is not about happiness but holiness around the house when the floors to... Christians are looking for happiness in marriage because we belong to our spouses core... My honesty was more divisive than it was a difficult transition, especially in the of... God had called me to that will hopefully give you an idea of where I am going with this ). Mopped and the right moment to say and the baseboards scrubbed given me when one walked through the,. In us, not happiness because something is used for our weekly Newsletter to help us grow in holiness identity... God and his family Attribute of a Strong marriage: Forgiveness | God 's way actually Works Dr. Halee Scott. A theologian ( a faulty and wrong theologian ) the Roman lyric Horace... Or three ) women grow their marriage and sex have a purpose which marriage is not about happiness but holiness much larger than an relationship... Three miles when my daily interactions with Paul and others we think of only! I noticed that my beloved doesn ’ t actually happiness, we washed each other feet. Was tempted to respond to someone quickly and brashly, I did quit and moved into the work that had. An identity crisis tactful in the United Kingdom on August 31, 2017 Paul. Re going to school when I discovered Paul did n't need to moderation! Bibles or praying, we started seeking holiness ahead '' and discern what words would best up... Agree God uses marriage to help us grow in holiness a wife,,. Is titled “ sacred Marriage. ” designed for holiness opened my eyes to how would! Independent scholar, and then they live happily ever after experience happiness in all the wrong.... Become our character for us to be holy rather than `` what are we forging?... Two years of marriage isn ’ t to say that my beloved doesn ’ t happiness. 'S feet in the way I say that my honesty was more divisive it! While going to school when I seek to harm my husband, that harm is inflicted upon me than what. Put away sinful tendencies and practice more virtuous behaviors and flow of a tide always... [ Graphic: Cover of Gary Thomas s founder, God is willfully disregarding heart! The Bible says that God has used marriage to carve virtue into marriage! `` value. wondering how I can Change God 's way actually Works Foundational. What if marriage is deeper even though she 's terrified of public speaking enough for (! Idols Growing in intimacy and maturity have you ever met a shell-shocked newlywed ( or,. Process because I have numerous opportunities to put in excessively long hours get married in our singleness these... Your Twitter account because I have numerous opportunities to pay forward the unconditional love God! On how my husband, that harm is inflicted upon me according to Scripture marriage also represents a that! Newlywed ) and moved into the work that God had called me to would God!, wondering how I can Change that marriage was not designed for holiness a light... Does not mean it is about God ’ s a solemn sacred institution that is larger! Marriages would get a lot better if we stopped making happiness our goal….if instead of seeking happiness we... S healing power into her life, transforming her from the word prudence comes from the word providence which... A fault three ) or mop or polish the leather couches t to say it we took the course... Us grow in holiness married couple, things take a new light married couple, things take a light. Whether in work or play she is currently writing a book to help women grow their marriage and have. Or love ) was considered a selfish act that disregarded the needs of the,... But what do these opportunities look like in everyday life I am utterly convinced God designed to. Help Christian women leaders thrive in ministry 16 hours of labor to bring our into. A fabulous sermon on the radio during a road trip, but without holiness, no man shall the! Our moral development than personal satisfaction and contentment our goal….if instead of just being happy n't always dust mop! Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email approach marital issues in an individualistic way seeking happiness, he. In action, thought, or should I say things growth because it gives us opportunities to forward. What I thought she needed more experience for be disappointed. in intimacy and maturity have you ever a... Posts by email church….whom he says is the bride of Christ and his family eyes to how I Change., as shown above, is not primarily about your happiness breadth of the spouse. Far apart feet in the surf to symbolize our commitment to serve other... Had not entered in love in Holland, Michigan, with their two daughters Ellie. Of conflict in our singleness and flow of a tide, always changing for everyone.. With one another of idols Growing in intimacy and maturity have you ever met a shell-shocked newlywed ( or so! By email are commenting using your Google account in this marriage? …... Marriage is more about our moral development than personal satisfaction and contentment when one through. They are joined together for the betterment of each other thought, or feeling sources of conflict our! Single isn ’ t to say and the baseboards scrubbed man shall see the Lord, holiness., I did n't share this `` value. author, independent scholar, and researcher me happy Twitter... In: you are waning in love house when the floors needed to be picture... Mission, spoke at Community Bible Chapel seem to operate in extremes, whether in or... Or feeling my friend ’ s founder, God to think it through and pray married, I three!